Thursday, June 13, 2024

    Experimental Chewing Gum May Reduce Spread Of Stupidity

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    A small trio of scientist from Harvard (high school not the college) have invented a chewing gum that may reduce the spread of stupidity.

    The gum, Xzany, claims to reduce the spread of stupidity from one individual to another by as much as 2%, one study suggest. The study conducted by third graders in a garage said that transmission of stupidity was greatly halted among the four 10-year olds, who participated in the study.

    Jorden Hips, the creator of the gum had this to say, “Stupidity is everywhere — it’s the pandemic of pandemics. We knew that we had to do this because adults either wouldn’t or couldn’t and it wasn’t that hard we just fused rubber and flavor together, the brain does the rest.”

    “It taste like sour pickles,” said Billy Babbs, gum expert and candy connoisseur. “But it’s a rather pleasant taste knowing that I will protect those around me from natural stupidity.”

    The federal government has weighed in in the matter and said that, “while the administration is looking into the wonder drug, it has no desire to mandate that people stop spreading stupidity.”

    Schools in California and New York have also made statements about the Xzany gum with promises that they will not enforce any tools that will improve students education.

    Xzany gum is slated to hit the markets this week and will sell for $.25 cents.

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