Thursday, June 13, 2024

    Baby Born With iPhone In Hand

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    Early this morning Cory Smith was born both into this world and into the record books.

    In the heart of the Silicon Valley, Crestview hospital helped bring forth a new meaning to customer retention as baby Cory was born with an iPhone in his hands. The delivery room was met with not the sounds of a newborn’s cry of life but instead the sounds of text message alerts.

    “I looked down at the phone and there it was — text notifications from Apple welcoming this baby into the Apple family. I have to say I was absolutely dumbfounded, “ said nurse Mary Drimstill.

    The father, Jerrold Smith had this to say, “Both me and my wife have been long time iPhone users — every since the first one came out in 2007. Last week we had upgraded to the family plan at Verizon with automatic iPhone upgrades every year — I just didn’t think they would get this little guy going so quickly.”

    The baby’s mother, still exhausted, had this to say about the miracle birth, “I couldn’t get him to put the phone down long enough to breastfeed. But I guess it’s better than if he were born with an Android.”

    “I can’t say that I was totally shocked,” said the baby’s doctor, Dr. Willsheart. “There is not a kid alive that isn’t glued to their phone. This is evolution in the process — I mean there is absolutely no proof for evolution but I mean what else could it be.”

    After we left the hospital, baby Cory sent us this email, “I love Spaghetti Thumbs — keep bringing the real news that’s fake news!”

    NOTE: The iPhone was fully charged but did not include any cables or charging blocks.

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