Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Biden Orders Santa To Ramp Up Production

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    NORTH POLE — President Biden held a press conference this morning from the North Pole to address supply chain issues that many economists fear will impact this Holiday season.

    “I have met with Santa and have imposed a mandatory vaccination rule for all elves. Any elf that is not vaccinated by tomorrow will no longer be called an elf,” stated President Biden.

    Sources close to Spaghetti Thumbs report that about 60% of all elves are not vaccinated and that 100% of all elves disagree with the President’s mandate and will collectively walk out tomorrow.

    After hearing of the proposed strike, President Biden doubled down. “After explaining the supply chain to Santa, I President Harris have ordered Santa Clause to ramp up production.”

    A spokeself for Santa issued this response to the President’s demand. “I work in a magical place where toys are made by elves who manufacture not just toys but happiness for all children. But not even I, Santa Clause, with all the magic at the North Pole can meet the President’s demands.”

    Reports state that currently their are thousands of shipping containers piling up on the outskirts of the North Pole, but Santa says he will ignore the President’s order and will deliver Christmas on time.

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