Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Biden To Allow 5 Year-Olds To Drive Trucks To Help Supply Chain

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    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden has announced a plan to issue truck driver licenses to 5 year-olds to help alleviate supply chain problem.

    The announcement came as shelves continue to grow empty and ports continue to further back up.

    “I have discussed this plan with members of my cabinet and they all agree that the cut off at 5 years of age is appropriate,” said the President who then continued to reassure not only himself but the American public about his new plan. “All drivers will be vetted throughly as having had at least 20 hours behind the wheel of a power wheel. There is not much of a difference between a fisher-price power wheel and an 18 wheeler — they both have wheel in the name.”

    Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg, was not at the press conference nor was he available for comment as he is still at home trying to figure out how to breastfeed his new additions to the family. He did however issue this statement via his twitter account, “We are currently looking into hiring thousands of horse-drawn vehicles. We believe that with this option we can lower the driving age to 3 and possibly even 2.”

    With the urgency of fixing the supply chain issues, the new driving restrictions will take effect January 1, 2026.

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