Thursday, June 13, 2024

    California Becomes Overgrown Jungle Because Of Ban On Lawnmowers

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    CALIFORNIA — The once well groomed Golden State has become an overgrown jungle due to California’s Governor Gavin Newsom’s ban on lawnmowers.

    Recent storms have brought much needed rain to the State, but at a severe cost — grass that has not seen water in years has sprouted in what experts call “Zombie Grass” overtaking major cities from San Diego to San Francisco and with no one able to buy lawnmowers the State has become one big tangled mess of grass and weeds.

    “We understand the peoples concern with the roads and towns overrun and covered with Zombie Grass,” said Newsom. “But we don’t need lawnmowers and our efforts on finding other means to cut grass will save the planet one blade at a time.”

    The Governor further added that he would budget 1 billion dollars to hand scissors to help fight the overgrown Zombie Grass which would be mailed out to all legal and illegal residents.

    News of the extra pruning spread quickly to Central America causing a caravan of climate migrants to make their way to California in hopes of a better life and possession of a new pair of scissors.

    Juan Miguel Torres Anthony Geraldo had this to say, “All me lives I want scissors to cut lawn. I no more use lawnmotor.”

    However, most California residents don’t worry about the “Zombie Grass” sticking around for much longer. “I think it will be gone by tomorrow,” said Fred Myers, “Fire will take care of it — either PG&E’s faulty equipment or a homeless fire will put an end to this so called “Zombie Grass.”

    Newsom further added that he would ban the disposal of all grass clipping next week.

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