Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Catholic Church Raises Price Of Indulgences For Unvaccinated People

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    ROME — Pope Francis announced that due to mounting political pressure the church would raise the prices of indulgences for unvaccinated parishioners.

    “This is not a punishment,” said the Pope. “This is for your safety and the safety of your loved ones in purgatory.”

    The announcement came with some mixed feeling. Most parishioners felt that the Pope was doing the right thing for the misunderstood souls, while others simply didn’t understand why this was necessary to single out one soul from the other. The Pope addressed these concerns by stating, “COVID has made its way into the afterlife and because it has, we have to charge more money in order for the church to be able to mitigate the punishment of being unvaccinated.”

    While the current rate of indulgences for unvaccinated people varies from person to person and place to place, the average cost of such a sin is about $100,000.

    Tom Cruise, a member of the church of Scientology, had this to say regarding the Pope’s move, “I think this is a step in the right direction — I mean come on — if bad engrams can be left over from past lives — they certainly can be forwarded into purgatory.”

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