Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Catholic Church To Start Selling Pot To Avoid Being Shut Down Amid COVID Surge

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    Winter COVID surges are here and out of fear of being shut back down one Catholic Church has begun to sell pot in their gift store to avoid being shut back down.

    Archbishop Kent Willmonson had this to say about the new church policy, “We were shut down for an entire year. Then we saw that pot shops were able to open because they were deemed essential, so we decided to start selling holy pot water so that we don’t get shut back down with this new COVID variant that is starting to surge — I don’t remember the name of this one, but we will not be shut down again.”

    The church has seen a rise in new parishioners, who get a free sample after completing a one hour class on membership. The class also goes over how to pay for indulgences so parishioners can not feel guilty about how much pot they buy at the gift store.

    “We have seen a new kind of people that attend church, not the spiritual kind. We have also seen a dramatic rise in giving at the church — we are now the top money making church,” said Archbishop Willmonson.

    Archbishop Willmonson also added that they offer payments via Venmo for any pot indulgences inured.

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