Wednesday, June 12, 2024
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    Chicago Closes Schools Forever

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    CHICAGO — Teachers in Chicago have decided that it is time to close all schools permanently.

    The Chicago teachers union said that school is overrated and teachers should be able to vacation all year. They also added that kids need to be kids and play video games instead of being stuck inside classrooms learning math and science.

    “It’s not right to make us teach,” said one Chicago teacher who asked to remain anonymous. “Yes, we’re teachers and by that classification we are to teach, but that’s work and we would rather be at home in our sweats. It’s just not right that we should be stuck inside a school building from 9:00 am to 2:00 pm— school buildings are prisons — I mean literally — have you seen our schools with metal detectors and high impenetrable fences. We should be freed! #freeteachers!”

    Union representative, Alexa Cortez, had this to say, “We stand by the teachers rights not to work. They have been forced into this job for too many years and it’s time we stop the madness. This is why we voted to close all schools permanently — we don’t need them anymore.”

    Chicago officials disagree with closing the schools, but say the teachers union is in charge and they will do whatever they want.

    Kids, however, welcomed the “endless snow day” as it has become to be called, with open arms as they lock themselves up in their rooms to socialize across multiple social media apps.

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