Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Coaches Everywhere Are Deleting Their Emails

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    John Gruden announced he is stepping down from the Raiders organization as head coach amidst really old emails. What was said in these emails has not yet been shown, but we are told that they are not very nice and hurts people feelings.

    The news sent coaches everywhere into a frenzy deleting all of their old and new emails. One coach from the competitive horse roping circuit had the to say, “It’s a darn shame what happened. A man then is not the same as a man now and a man now is just not the same as he was then. And what one says then one may not say now. A man should be judged for what he says now YEE-HAW!”

    Gerald Lee, the most respected women’s Cornhole coach made this statement in a press conference, “I will no longer be using email. I will return to putting all derogatory statement on paper from this day forward.”

    Coaches from around the NFL declined to make a statement about the use of email. However sources close to Spaghetti Thumbs revived copies of an email sent by NFL commissioner Rodger Goodell to the former Raiders Head Coach just before his announcement: “Mr. Gruden, here at the NFL we want to Inspire change. We want to inspire people to change. To do better. To do good. But we also expect that you change your past to reflect the change you are today. That being said, I know that we are not all perfect, tho we expect that your past be of the utmost perfection, you should have used email—Out as everyone else in this league does.”

    Spaghetti Thumbs reached out to Mr. Goodell via email. But his secretary tell us that they never received the email.

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