Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Dollar Tree Raises Prices In California To $951 So Looters Can Be Prosecuted

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    CALIFORNIA — The Dollar Tree has announced that they will raise prices from $1 to $951 dollars in order to stop the rampant wave of smash-and-grab thefts that have plagued the Golden State.

    “Many Democrats will think that this has to do with inflation,” said Dollar Tree CEO Michael Witynski. ”And while a 951% increase in prices would justify the current markets, this is not about inflation. We are just trying to stop bad policy that has allowed such behavior.”

    Witynsk was quick to add that all customers can get a coupon from the cashier that would reduce all items purchased to $1 dollar each.

    Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had this to say, “While I still doubt the existence of California, there is no data to suggest that people steal. For anyone to raise the prices of anything is just ridiculous — I think all stores should just give away the stuff they are selling for free— in fact I think I will write a bill to ban anyone from selling products and eliminate this problem.”

    Other stores like Walgreens and Target are looking to implement similar pricing strategies next week before they are emptied out by looters.

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