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    Facebook To Change All Algorithms To Abacuses

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    Facebook announced this morning that they will change the way they rate users feeds by no longer using algorithms. Instead the social media giant with use abacuses.

    “Algorithms have become very complex and we decided that it would be better to alter what we want people to see by using an abacus,” announced CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “An abacus will enable our computers to deliver users simple feeds that will allow them to see more advertisements and less of their family and friends.”

    “I just bought these new shoes,” said long time Facebook user, Abby Rutker, “I didn’t even know I needed them, but thanks to Facebook’s new Abacus model they told me that I needed these new boots and I bought them instantly, in fact I bought them so quickly I don’t even remember buying them at all.”

    “If I wanted to talk to my family and friends I would just text them,” said Jamal Paterson. Facebook is where I turn to for all kinds of information of what I should do or buy. With this new abacus method I will never have to think for myself again — they will tell me exactly what to believe or buy — it’s truly amazing.”

    With rave reviews being posted on Facebook about the new abacus model, Google has said that they will start construction of the world’s largest abacus next month to institute into their search engine in order to provide better non biased, censor free search results that will tell people exactly what to think.

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