Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Fauci Says Figgy Pudding May Cause Singing

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    Health expert Dr. Anthony Fauci announced this morning that eating just one bite of figgy pudding may actually cause one to sing Christmas songs.

    The discovery came during a NIH funded gain-of-function research in the Wuhan Institute of Virology. However Fauci had this to say, “No, the NIH has never funded any sort of gain-of-function research — except this one. This is a very important study and the results will save many if not millions of people from singing one of the most popular Christmas songs of all time — We Wish You A Merry Christmas.”

    The announcement has left many to wonder why the study is so important or why we should not sing one of the most famous Christmas songs of all time.

    Senator Rand Paul drilled Fauci on the topic asking him, “Did you fund the consumption of figgy pudding, and can you please tell us what exactly is figgy pudding, and why would anyone eat it in the first place?”

    “No! The NIH did not fund any gain-of-function research dealing with figgy pudding,” answered Fauci. “We are still doing experiments at the Wuhan Institute of Virology, that are not gain-of-function, they are just gain that will be a function in the future, as to what exactly figgy pudding is, we are still trying to figure that out. As for your last question of why anyone would eat the figgy pudding — that is why we are doing gain-of function…I mean not gain-of-function, just gain that will be function at a latter time — what was the question?”

    “Why would anyone eat figgy pudding?” snapped Senator Paul.

    “That is the question,” Fauci stated before adding that while they still have a lot of work to do he can testify that eating figgy pudding will make a beagle howl the lyrics, so give me some figgy pudding.”

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