Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Gavin Newsom Bans The Sale Of All New Toys

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    After surviving a recall attempt, California Governor Gavin Newsom (D) has wasted no time in further building his utopia. What does utopia look like — no toys for kids.

    “Toys promote fun and cultivate creativity — two things that we can not afford our kids to have in this State,” said Newsom in a press conference. “Kids should be at home NOT in school — except mine — mine will continue to have toys and go to school.”

    The new law signed by the Governor must finalize the specifics by Christmas in order to inflict the most damage to kids. The Governor also announced 10 billion in new funding for health departments to inspect all packages coming into the State but also pledged to pay Amazon, Wal-Mart, and Target 1 trillion for any lost revenue suffered by the companies.

    The State wasted no time enforcing the new law, in which details had not be finalized yet, as reports came in this afternoon that about a dozen cars had been stopped at the Nevada border, Federal agents arrested parents who had tried to smuggle Christmas presents into the State.

    “This is an act of domestic terror and we can’t stand for this,” said AG Merrick Garland. “Parents have no place trying to provide happiness for their kids — we will use the full force of the FBI to stop this domestic terror on our soil.”

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