Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Gordon Ramsay Moves From L.A. To Texas So Can Yell At Employees Without Face Masks

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    TEXAS — Gordon Ramsay announced that he is moving his restaurant headquarters from Los Angeles to Texas.

    “I’ve had enough of this [bleep],” yelled Ramsay. “I just couldn’t yell at my employees with this stupid face mask on any more. A muffled yell is pointless. So the move to Texas was necessary for the function and operation of my business.”

    A spokesperson for Ramsay added these comments, “This was more than high taxes or looting or lockdowns or homelessness affecting his restaurants — this was simply about being about to communicate. It is not as satisfying yelling at someone for being an idiot without being able to see their full expression of shame.”

    Texas has made it clear that it is the right of any employer to verbally assault their staff — especially restaurant workers. “When I heard that Gordon Ramsay wanted to get out of California I called him immediately,” said Texas Governor Greg Abbott. “Texas is built on hard work — we don’t give away everything for free like California. Texas welcomes Ramsay and his dedication to yelling at employees to point out their stupidity — more of that is needed in this world.”

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