Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Government Sets Up Loan Service For Christmas — Says Won’t Cost A Cent

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    WASHINGTON — The White House announced this morning that they have instituted a new program to help Americans spend more money this Christmas in hopes to jump start a falling economy.

    “We understand that we have raised taxes and put people out of business,” said Jen Psaki. “That is why the President has establish a new program that will allow certain poor Americans to borrow money to buy an excessive amount of Christmas presents and the truly terrific part of this program is that the Congress will pass a bill that will forgive all loans by the end of the year — making this loan program cost absolutely nothing to borrowers or taxpayers.”

    Psaki refaced a chart that proved that loan would cost nothing. “As you can all see by the chart behind me that the more you spend the less it costs,” said Psaki. “And charts don’t lie so you know you can trust me.”

    Most all Americans welcome the new program with open arms. “I absolute hope this pandemic never ends,” said Wendy Markson, a Detroit Christmas shopper. “I have received so much free money that I don’t have to work and with this new Christmas loan program I am going to get more presents than I have ever gotten — and it’s going to all be free!”

    But not everyone supports the Build Back Christmas Better Bill. Sen. Joe Manchin has announced that he will vote against the loan forgiveness program and possible steal all of President Biden’s ice cream. “This Christmas bill has so many earmarks in it that all point to Biden and the House getting free ice cream for the next 55 years — Americans deserve the ice cream.”

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