Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Jack Dorsey Brings Abraham Lincoln Back From Dead Then Bans Him From Twitter

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    SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Deep beneath Twitters headquarters science has been defied and Abraham Lincoln has been brought back from the dead.

    When asked why Lincoln was chosen for this monumental experiment, CEO Jack Dorsey said “It had to be done. Abraham Lincoln was the greatest President this nation has ever seen. And we need him to bring this country back together before we end up in a civil war.”

    President Lincoln was given an iPhone for his first act back from the grave. Lincoln, who first tried to eat his Apple iPhone, marveled at the technology.

    Mr. Dorsey walked him through the Twitter account setup process giving the beloved President the handle @the_real_Abe_Lincoln. While enjoying a Big Mac President Lincoln tweeted “No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

    Mr. Dorsey instantly banned Lincoln from Twitter for life. Lincoln’s whereabouts are unknown but rumors spot him somewhere in Florida.

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