Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Man Dies Trying To Scratch Period Off Computer Screen

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    A growing movement to ban computer screens is growing after a man has died from spending more than three months straight trying to scratch off a period from his computer screen.

    Larry Atmop, from San Bernardino, Ca., was in the midst of writing a yelp review for a local burger shop when he noticed a mark on his computer screen and began to wipe it off, only it wouldn’t come off. His wife Sarah recounts the moments that started it all. “I walked by his corner office in the kitchen and saw him intently poking at the screen. I asked him what he was doing and all he could say was it won’t come off. I asked him what and he said a tiny dot. That stubborn man spent the next three months scratching at the darn thing.”

    Three months later Sarah found her husband slumped in his chair with his right hand still on the computer screen. It was then that she noticed that Larry was trying to scratch a period off from the yelp review he was writing. “That was all that was in the review — a stinking period,” Sarah recounted.

    Now a small group of people are petitioning to have all computer screens decommissioned. Yes decommissioned as they pose a threat to all humans says President of the non-profit organization, Periods Kill!, “Although Larry was and is the only death from a computer screen — the threat is still very real for all humans and that’s why we are actively trying to get all computer screens decommissioned. This world will never be safe until ALL screens are gone — yes ALL screens!”

    The FDA has started an investigation into the situation. “I know what people think,” said Janet Woodcook, “people think we don’t have the power to control, I mean safely monitor your technology, but we are an organization with federal emergency power and therefore can overreach into whatever is affecting your safety. We will start to roll out safety measures next week.”

    The FDA has not said what those safety measures will be or why they feel this is important when only one person has been affected by computer screens, but as always Spaghetti Thumbs will continue to keep an eye on this story as it develops.

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