Thursday, June 13, 2024

    Man Digs 5 Mile Tunnel To Smuggle KFC Into Auckland For Thanksgiving Dinner

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    AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND — Harold Jones, a lifetime resident of Auckland, spent the last year digging a 5 mile long tunnel in order to provide his family with KFC for Thanksgiving dinner.

    “Last March when they shut down everything and we couldn’t even get takeout food, I knew that our family tradition of having chemical driven fried chicken for Thanksgiving was in jeopardy, so one day I just started digging South towards the KFC and didn’t stop — luckily we’re close to the city boundary otherwise I wouldn’t make it to an open KFC.”

    Harold spent about thirty thousand New Zealand dollars (twenty thousand U.S. dollars) on plastic sporks to dig the 5 mile long tunnel. “I don’t think people understand the importance of a good spork. Honestly I don’t understand why they make spoons and forks — a spork is just far superior.”

    New Zealand police discovered the tunnel while conducting a routine drive-by-smell in order to find people with unauthorized fast food in Auckland. The Commissioner of Police, Andrew Coster, released this statement, “Police discovered the fast food smell at 12:53 pm and immediately searched the premises. We uncovered a tunnel that was suspected to link the Jones’s house directly with KFC, but after a mile the tunnel had caved in and no greasy contraband was found on site. Officers did, however, confiscate over 100,000 plastic sporks from the premises and are currently looking into environmental charges.”

    Harold’s Father praised his son as a hero, “He saved Thanksgiving. I just have to say that whatever they put in that chicken just gives you a better nap than any old turkey ever could.”

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