Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    McDonald’s Introduces Safe And Effective Meals In Time For Holidays

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    McDonalds Corporation (MCD) announced that they are doing their part to help families have a safe and effective holiday this year by infusing the COVID-19 vaccine into their famous French fries.

    In a leaked memo CEO Chris Kempczinski sent this message to board members: “…since vaccines are mandatory and we sell vaccine infused fries than we can get the President to mandate that everyone eat McDonald’s — it’s simple cause and effect marketing.”

    News of the French fries COVID-19 vaccine infused food spread quickly throughout Washington with most all in favor of the announcement. President Joe Biden said he was in favor of the idea, but had to think about whether or not to mandate all Americans eat McDonald’s French fries because McDonald’s is former President Trumps favorite place to eat.

    “I ask myself what would Trump do,” said President Biden, “then I do the opposite — so I need time to mull this mandate around and ask my self what Trump would do on this before I make a decision.”

    Parents have gathered in McDonald’s parking lots across the country wanting to protest against the new French fries mandate, but can’t refuse the golden salty highly addictive chemical sticks and instead have just purchased the fries.

    One mom had this to say, “I’m not anti-vax — I’m anti-mandate. No one should tell me what I have to eat or what I have to feed my kids — but I can’t resist McDonald’s fries, so to be honest they could but COVID itself inside those beautiful spuds and I’d still eat them.”

    McDonald’s has yet to announce a release date for the new safe and effective French fries.

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