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    Minneapolis Votes To Give Police Bananas Instead Of Guns

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    MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — After a five day meeting that should have only taken five seconds Minneapolis City Council Members voted to bring safer measures to its police force by replacing all guns with bananas.

    “We can’t sit by any longer and not work while people are protected,” announced Mayor Jacob Frey. “This city lacks deep nutritional needs and bananas provide a great source of that stuff.”

    Police Chief Medaria Arradondo was quick to respond after he finished eating his newly issued fire arm, “Police business is messy and the Council’s actions today will only further this messy business of there’s — but I only have one question for the Council,” stated the Police Chief, “Will they ensure that the criminals of this fine city will be using apples to commit crimes in the future?”

    That question sparked a violent outlash on the streets. People gathered at City Hall to protest the the Chiefs remarks saying that bananas would finally bring peace to the city and constipation in some cases. Chants of no “No Fruit! No Bathroom!” rang throughout the streets.

    In response to Chief Arradondo’s comments. Mayor Frey had this to say, “The bananas will be giant highland bananas and give maximum protection to both the officers and the public.”

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