Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Pastor Bikes 2,500 Miles To Go To Disneyland Sparks A Movement

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    Mike Juniper, pastor of Lakeview Mega Church, in Southern California, has spent the last 6 months biking across the United States to go to Disneyland.

    When asked why he made such a trek, the pastor had this to say, “Of course I could have just gone to Disneyland down the street, but they don’t allow you to have plastic drinking straws and I absolutely love the plastic. So I decided to go to Florida where I can have all the plastic I want. But that is not the main reason I chose to take on this task,” Pastor Juniper said, “I did it for the exercise. As a pastor you do a lot of standing and this will allow me to do a lot of sitting with the bonus of exercise.”

    Pastors, who typically get all summer off, have joined Juniper in their quest to sit more and get exercise. One pastor had this to say, “Juniper is right, if I am going to spend thousands of dollars on a ticket for Disneyland and then spend hundreds more on food — well I want to be normal and have a plastic drinking straw to go with it.” Chip Tomson, pastor of another Lakeview church added this, “I have been a pastor for forty-five years here in California and can’t remember the last time I sat or had a plastic drinking straw — boy do I miss both.”

    California Governor, Gavin Newsom, caught wind of the pastors biking and announced that later this month he would ban the sale of all new bikes. “It is apparent that bikes have given some a sort of religious freedom,” said Newsom, “and as Governor it is my job to abolish all religious freedoms, so I will use my emergency powers to ban all sales of new bikes and will look into outlawing all bikes in the future.”

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