Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    President Biden Hires Martha Stewart As Head Of Homeland Security To Welcome Immigrants

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    In a press conference held today, White House press secretary Jen Psaki announced that President Biden has hired Martha Stewart as the head of Homeland Security.

    When asked what qualifies Martha Stewart for such a job, Jen Psaki had this to say, “We want to cultivate a warm and inviting environment for the country adjacent citizens. We want to provide five star cratering, decorative wristbands, and luxury tents. Who better to accomplish this than the legendary Martha Stewart herself.”

    Within minutes after the announcement the surrounding area around Del Rio, Texas was transformed into a palatial retreat fit for a king.

    “If people come to this country with nothing — they should be given more than the working class non adjacent citizens,” finished Jan Psaki.

    Martha steward did not show up to the press conference as she was busy planning upcoming events at the border with Snoop Dogg who was named special consultant to Homeland Security.

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