Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Scientists Discover Anti-Marriage Gene In Celebrities

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    Harvard scientists have made a breakthrough discovery as to why celebrity marriages last only five years.

    Gabor Syndrome was discovered by, Gabby Liveton, a first year English student who studied just three celebrities. “I was totally surprised when Dr. Playtin wanted to talk to be about my paper on celebrity gossip. He said that it had more scientific research in it than anything the science department had produced in the last decade. To be totally honest I still don’t understand it. But I trust Dr. Playtin — he follows the science — in this case me, “ laughed Gabby.

    “It’s not their fault,” said Dr. Playtin. “They suffer from a genetic disorder that just won’t let them stay married for a duration longer than five years in most cases. We have however found that a small number of celebrities have a mutated form of the Gabor Syndrome that does allow them to last upwards of ten years and in some very rare cases fifteen. Its very serious because there is no cure.”

    Top celebs have flooded Dr. Playtin with phone calls all wanting emergency appointments to get tested for Gabor Syndrome.

    “I got tested right away,” said Kim Kardashian. “I mean I’m soon to be on my fourth marriage so I think there is a good chance that at 41 I may not have Gabor Syndrome, but better to be safe than be on my sixth marriage or something.”

    About 99% of all celebrities are born with Gabor Syndrome. If you would like to help you can text $5 million dollars to the Elizabeth Taylor Fund at #5555.

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