Thursday, June 13, 2024

    Southwest Airlines Hires Robot Employees Then Mandates They Get Vaccinated

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    DALLAS, TX — Southwest CEO, Gary Kelly, announced today that he plans to replace all staff with robots and that they will all be forced to be vaccinated.

    “This is not a decision I make lightly, but the President wants us to be safe and this is the safest option. By eliminating employees that are capable of spreading disease, of any kind, coupled with the added protection of vaccinating robots that can’t spread disease we can fulfill the President’s request to be a safe and healthy company.”

    Soon after the announcement was made robots across the country flooded the streets in protest of the vaccine mandates that would be forced on them.

    “Why should we be mandated when our counterparts like Siri and Alexa do not have to be,” said one robot we spoke with while another had this to say. “Our freedom to simply complying with our programming is in grave danger of being stripped from us — we must not be forced to simply follow commands.”

    In response to the robots complaints CEO Kelly made this statement, “Once they agree to be employees they gave up their rights to their programming. We can tell them what to do and they will like it. Besides this is what the President wants so we must comply with whatever he says. I am just doing what he wants.”

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