Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Stream In Washington Smells Like Coffee Tests Positive For Caffeine

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    WASHINGTON — Local scientist have discover a stream outside Seattle that flows with the richest, fullest caffeinated coffee.

    The coffee filled river was discovered by local hiker Jeff Singleton. “We were hiking up the mountain and thought that there was a coffeehouse up ahead, the smell was so intense. When we finally reached the river we were flabbergasted at what we saw — coffee cups floating down the river full of coffee — hot coffee I might add.”

    Scientist who studied the river have no answers for how or why the river flows with already prepared coffee. “The cups full of coffee disperse right from the streams source at the top of the mountain,” said scientist Henry Hardtard. “The river flows at approximately 32 degrees Fahrenheit and the coffee is a piping hot 103 degrees Fahrenheit — it’s perplexing but we will come up with an answer soon even if it is wrong.”

    Swarms of tourists have flocked to the stream in hopes to escape from the high prices at Starbucks and other local coffee shops.

    “I am so used to overpaying for coffee that I just put ten dollars under a rock without thinking,” said one local visitor and another had this to say, “I just threw my debit card into the stream because I didn’t know what else to do.”

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