Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Team USA Tells Athletes To Identify As Chinese Before Going To Olympics

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    Team USA is preparing it’s athletes before sending them to Beijing in a few weeks to compete in the Olympics by telling them to renounce their citizenship and identify as Chinese.

    “For their safety all athletes will be required to leave their cell phones and all papers at home before departing for Beijing,” announced Team USA leader Ron Sacmore. “Furthermore we are requiring that all Team USA members, athletes and staff, stop identifying as Americans and identify as Chinese by stuffing Yen down their pants.”

    Cultural, governmental, and sports experts all agree that by placing Yen down their pants one will quickly identify as Chinese.

    “We have also supplied all Team USA members with official chop sticks and ordered all Team members to eat nothing for rice for following weeks before they depart for Beijing,” added Sacmore. “Safety is our number one priority next to appeasing the Chinese government so that we can continue to get cheap good from them.”

    The White House has said that they will boycott the Olympics, but will mandate that all Federal employees eat nothing but egg rolls in support of Team USA identifying as Chinese.

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