Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    The Real Reason You Can’t Get A Turkey This Year

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    Shortages of turkeys are a sure thing this year, and many have tried to answer why, but no one has delivered a real reason as to why buying a turkey this year will be more difficult — until now.

    Top bird whisperer Bill Dirtington has revealed the truth to Spaghetti Thumbs about why you will not be able to eat a turkey this year for Thanksgiving. “The reason is simply,” stated Dirtington, “identity!” The real reason for turkey shortages this year is that more and more turkey’s are realizing that they in fact are not turkeys at all, but that they are in fact born as California Condors and therefore cannot be eaten because they are a protected bird.”

    Jill Soso, President of the Bird Watchers Association has said that she has seen a dramatic shift in how the turkeys are acting. “They walk around gobbling as where before they identified as Condors they walked around gobbling.”

    Activist for turkeys rights say that turkeys should be able to live however they want and not be subjected to humans as food. “We should not eat turkeys — the ingestion of turkey brings suffering to all birds — it fills all birds with anxiety that they might be eaten as well,” stated top turkey activist Millie Millson.

    Spaghetti Thumbs will continue to keep an eye on this story as Thanksgiving draws closer.

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