Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Travelers Identify As Oompa Loompas So They Can Enter The U.S. Without Vaccination

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    OTTAWA — The U.S. will reopen it’s border to fully vaccinated, nonessential, travelers on Nov. 8.

    Foreign national travelers, once proud of their home country, now seek to identify as from a number of different countries to freely enter the United States.

    “Traveling is hard enough. By identifying as one from Loompaland the whole processor entering the United States become much much easier. They check for nothing, we don’t have to show passports or vaccination cards.”

    “Stupid Americans — by identifying as a traveler from Loompaland, not only do we enter the county without documentation but we are given free stuff — money that we can spend on our vacation at Disney World. Go Dodgers!”

    All air traffic into the States has stopped as travelers now come to enter the U.S. by way of the Del Rio in Texas. However, in efforts to make the travelers feel more welcome the Federal Government has constructed a new freeway overpass so that all travelers entering can stand under it and escape the scorching desert heat.

    But what is most distressing is the fact that 100% of all travelers appear to be pregnant. “Yes, I pregnant,” said Habib Habib, a 90 year old male traveler from the Middle East. “Yes I pregnant,” was all he would say. And his story is not unique, millions upon millions all claim to be pregnant.

    We asked about the maternity situation, Homeland Security advisor Pete Betterson had this to say, “We follow the science!”

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