Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    Unmasking Ice Cream Gate

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    WASHINGTON — In recent weeks millions of gallons of ice cream have been delivered to the White House, worth billions of dollars, raising questions about what is actually going on.

    Media outlets like CNN and MSNBC have reported that the enormous volumes of ice cream are to be used for upcoming Christmas parties. Other news sources like Fox have reported that the ice cream is being used for a cryogenic chamber to persevere aging House Members like Nancy Pelosi.

    White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki addressed the reports in a news conference this morning. “There is nothing going on,” said Psaki. “I need to shut down all misinformation about what people think is going on with reports of ice cream being delivered to the White House. While it is true that a larger than normal order of ice cream has been delivered to the White House — it is a simple mistake and somewhat cute story. The order was placed by the President’s grandson who thought he was playing a game on pop pop’s phone.”

    Psaki added that the ice cream would be donated to refugees and food delivery apps like DoorDash would be heavily taxed for allowing this to happen.”

    However sources close to Spaghetti Thumbs have uncover the truth in what is quickly being called Ice Cream Gate.

    “We have delivered over ten thousand gallons of ice cream to the White House this week alone,” said Thomas Jillenhop, owner of Jillenhop’s Ice Cream and Confections. “The orders have all been places online and come usually after breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

    Former Biden White House sous-chef, who asked to remain anonymous because of his vaccination status, had this to say, “I have never seen one man eat so much ice cream — he should be a thousand pounds with all that he eats — the President is addicted to ice cream.”

    Some suggest that Biden’s ice cream addiction may be the cause of a serious ongoing brain freeze that is the root source of all his misspoken gaffs.

    Spaghetti Thumbs will continue to bring you the latest as we unmask Ice Cream Gate.

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