Thursday, June 13, 2024

    White House Sends Postal Workers To Afghanistan To Make Sure Americans Left Behind Can Vote

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    WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House press secretary Jan Psaki announced Wednesday that 500 federal postal workers would be sent to Afghanistan in one of the most important missions since the Gulf War.

    “The President wants to make sure that he does the right thing — he wants to make sure that all 200 Americans left behind in Afghanistan — that can’t be right— is that number correct— yes, that all 200 Americans have the opportunity to fulfill their duty to vote via mail for next year’s midterms,” stated Psaki.

    Postal worker Ted Woppingson made this statement, “I love America and will deliver these Pfizer shots to the unvaccinated Americans left behind—” Mr. Woppingson was immediately arrested by the FBI.

    A spokesman for the FBI quickly made this statement. “Mr. Woppingson doesn’t know what he is talking about. All postal workers are going over seas to deliver mail in ballots — that’s al!”

    Spaghetti Thimbs tried to interview other postal workers selected for the top secret mission but their names were removed from the public announcement.

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