Wednesday, June 12, 2024

    With Rising Costs Church Goes Digital With Communion

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    HOUSTON, TX — Lakewood Church, a mega church that boasts one of the largest congregations, has found a creative way to beat the rising cost of food for communion services — they’ve gone digital.

    “Digital food gives us an opportunity to cut costs,” says pastor Joel Osteen. “Everyone has a phone. I know this because they are on them more than listening to me. Ha ha ha. But seriously giving out digital bread and juice gives our members options. They can chose between sourdough, white, or whole wheat. You can chose between a dozen different types of juice from grape to white grape to 100% natural to even sugar free to name a few. We also offer glutton free for anyone with allergies.”

    So what to members say?

    “I absolutely love this new way of communion,” boasts Jim Peterson. “I have so many options and I don’t mind going back for seconds or even thirds.”

    “I used to dread communion,” says Jill Eptee. “But not anymore. I flip through my phone until I find the bead that look just too good to eat and savor it as I stare at it — and don’t get me started on the imported grape juice — it’s to die for.”

    “Communion has never been more fun,” says Wilber Whatkins. “It has helped me stay on my diet and I can eat as much as I want — the church doesn’t mind.”

    Pastor Osteen added that the church is looking into providing full course meals for church potlucks in the future.

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